I sat on the love seat watching the fire burn down, sat there much longer than the usual wait to close down the draft just so and get on about my work. My work. I sat there in the flickering dark because I understood so well that I don’t understand so well anymore just what my work is or ought to be.
So I sat there a little longer, trying to put that feeling into words–the better if there was one word that would wrap that complex state into a single breath. Or not. It is not really that important to make this happen, having lost the urge to plead my case to any other, and my one word, then, should include that solipsist inclination. Still…
With my second cup of coffee, Stumbler-ing across the interwebs, I find by chance (or not) “23 emotions people feel but can’t explain.” I would have said “can’t express” because it is often entirely possible to trace the above-ground branches back to their hidden roots. There are just no words in ordinary Everyman language to share with others, or to graps within the speechless moments of the ruminative word-seeker.
And this list at least lets me know that there are people–writers, mostly, because who else would do the work?–out there, in their own private dark, creating words like conjured stepping stones at the moment of need, to be able to get about their work, to take the next step.
It is a comfort to know these words describe experiences not unlike mine that have arisen in the lives of others. The obscurity of these odd words, however, will make them awkward to use in a conversation at the Country Store. Even so, the sum total of these selected few gives me a few pavers in the darkness of the day.
Liberosis: The desire to care less about things.
Nodus Tollens: The realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore.
Exulansis: The tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it.
Ellipsism: A sadness that you’ll never be able to know how history will turn out.
Onism: The frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time.
Anecdoche: A conversation in which everyone is talking, but nobody is listening
Vemödalen: The frustration of photographic something amazing when thousands of identical photos already exist.
Monachopsis: The subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place.
Graphic created with WordItOut, since Wordle doesn’t play nice with Chrome–with some additional tweaking to distort text and overlay it against deep space. It is a kind of occupational therapy.