Kiddies, don’t try this at home…
She wanted to dress me up–in a new shirt and tie from Belks–for today’s luncheon speaking event.
But wait–what’s this? They forgot to remove the anti-theft thingy, though it must have been inactivated if it’s the kind that triggers store door alarms. I tried it on this morning, and decided to wear it for my meeting later today.
“You should be able just to pop that thing off” she said. I doubted it would be anywhere that easy. I had no idea just how complicated it would turn out to be.
I torqued it with a screw-driver, and it popped partly apart. I left it for her to tinker with.
“Are you bleeding?” she asked, seeing the dark stain around where the theft device still pieced the fabric.
Ah. Fine print on thingy say: attempt to disengage will break seal and release ink.
Not willing simply to take the shirt back to Belks tomorrow, she added to our early morning problems. Back from the shed with the wire cutters, she chomped down on the thing while holding it and the stained shirt over the kitchen sink. And BAM! it exploded, sending an unbelievable amount of brown indelible ink over the sink, countertop, wood trim, kitchen floor.
I noticed then that it was also all over my fingers–the marks of a felon-guest speaker. I guess I’ll just keep my hands in my pockets.