Summer Social
NOTE: Help me here. The wife nixxed an earlier version of this a couple of weeks ago, saying she thought it was too preachy or something. I forget. I had intended to use if for the newspaper column. I'm thinking about that again. For those who know the Floyd Press readership, is this offensive, sermonizing or otherwise objectionable? Let me know, 'cause I have to decide something soon!
A man, his wife and young daughter stopped by my table at the Fourth of July fireworks event. He had heard a recent interview on WVTF where I was discussing my book, and he wanted to talk with me about it--but not so much the book as about the fact that, as I mentioned in the interview, I have been searching for a new direction for my life now that our children are grown and we have settled permanently in Floyd County. It did not take long to know from our conversation that this man was searching: for involvement, for connections and for community. Turns out, he and I were asking some of the same questions about life's purpose near or after retirement, about finding oneself in and contributing to a new community, and about the future growth and change in Floyd County. And so our conversation lasted more than an hour that late afternoon as storm clouds gathered and the sky darkened over the high school ball field.
"Will you look at that!" he said, as we surveyed the green lawn before us, strewn with young and old, standing, sitting and blanketed in little clumps and clusters. "This is what it's all about. What a simple, peaceful scene. Nothing flashy or pretentious here, nothing fancy or high-tech or loud--just people enjoying one another's company."
And his comment shifted my thinking and our conversation in the direction of a report I'd read recently. A sad situation exists in America, the very opposite of what we were seeing before us on the ball field at sunset. According to this study Americans are more socially isolated than they were in 1985 when the average person in the study said they had three close friends. Sadly, in the new study, nearly a quarter said they had "zero" close friends and more than half said they had "two or fewer". Someone said that "people watch Friends on TV. They don't have them." Intimacy within families was down, too.
The reasons for this increasing isolation are not hard to find--in today's larger numbers of divorced or single adults; in longer commutes, longer and more stressful workdays. Also to blame are the larger percentage of people living in cities and suburbs, the loss of sidewalks and front porches, and the trend toward "cocooning". Families rarely sit to meals together, and those most "well off" are isolated in their private spaces around computers, televisions, music and movies inside their fortress "McMansions".
We live in an era of declining "social capital"--a term used and fully explored in the book, Bowling Alone, published in 2000 by Robert Putnum. This author and others suggest that social capital is a key component to building and maintaining democracy. Americans are far less connected to each other than we once were, on average, and this bodes poorly for our cohesiveness as a culture. Interestingly, even our physical health seems to be connected to being connected. Our chances of dying are cut by a quarter simply by joining and regularly participating in one club or organization, and in half by joining two.
And as I stood there chatting with my new acquaintance, I wondered aloud. Might Floyd and similar smaller, off-the-beaten-path places in rural America persist as tiny islands of relative "social well-being"? Is it possible in places such as this to resist or at least slow down the erosion of connection between neighbors and kin, a wasting away of personal accountability and care so common now in many of the burbs? Because of the overall pace and scale of things in Floyd and similar places, maybe those who live there are more willing to reach out and participate, to acknowledge the need for one another, to help a neighbor, to make a new friend. And maybe here, more than in some other larger, faster places, there is a growing awareness of the value in "local"--for our foods, our entertainment, and our friends. But then, maybe this is only a rural fantasy, wishful thinking that we could somehow swim against the growing tide of alienation in our society at large.
And yet, looking out over the field of Floydians waiting for fireworks that balmy night was evidence that many do still appreciate the worth of "slowness" in our sit-down meals and in our laid-back waiting-for-dark social events on the lawn, a commons where we can simply enjoy being with one another doing not much at all under a warm summer sky.
UPDATE 23 July 06: Thanks for your responses, I have sent this in to the Floyd Press for next week's column.
Comments
Incredible thoughts, Fred. Any Friday night on our sidewalks is evidence of that sense of community here.
Posted by: Gretchen | July 22, 2006 7:26 AM
I think it's fine, Fred. Nothing surprizing here, if one knows your work, but well worth saying and well said. If it were me, I would cut the last two words in paragraph 6 (next to the last paragraph) which I think are redundant. Bob Cumming
Posted by: Bob Cumming | July 22, 2006 7:35 AM
It is a sad truth. It should be written and discussed. Keeping up with the Joneses has pushed us away from the Joneses.
Posted by: Carl | July 22, 2006 8:25 AM
Fred, go for it. Well said.
Posted by: lauragayle | July 22, 2006 8:26 AM
There's nothing preachy here, Fred. It it true and worth noting.
Posted by: kenju | July 22, 2006 8:57 AM
Brilliant... not preachy at all. The more people I talk to, the more I realize we are ALL yearning for a simpler life and fellowship with others. Only problem is, we are stuck where we can get work, and many have no hope of ever being able to retire. No wonder there is so much crime, drug use, alcoholism, and suicide. Cities are no more than overcrowded islands of desperate people with no hope, who have isolated themselves because they don't trust anyone. Let me tell you about the July 4th festivities in Charlotte... Planners aimed for a family-friendly setting where people could enjoy music, food and fireworks. Sound familiar? But wait, there's more. Gangs moved in, bent on disrupting the evening. Fights started. Guns and knives came out. Families huddled together and tried desperately to make their way out. Police turned out in riot gear. The night ended with 27 arrests, and one death. It is doubtful Charlotte will celebrate Independence Day in the future.
That's why my favorite activity is staying home all weekend. It's what gets me though the work week. And I'm sure the last thing people who live in places like Floyd want to see is mobs of city folk pouring in looking for the promised land. I have been in some small towns where the locals are very territorial and hate outsiders. Floyd doesn't seem to be like that - yet. I hope it stays that way.
Posted by: Marjorie | July 22, 2006 9:25 AM
Fred, you've hit upon a problem that I think needs to be discussed. The irony, I think, is that some of the blame lies with the very medium we use here to discuss the problem: The Internet.
The very same 'Net that allows us to practice social interaction from afar also, I fear, breeds isolation. People communicate via keyboard and not face-to-face. The 'Net becomes a hiding place for those who hurl insults at others behind the anonymity of "screennames" and "handles."
Anger, in turn, permeates our society. Political discourse is no longer reasoned debate but anger-laced diatribes.
The desire to be first through confrontation dominates our culture. You see it in sports. Even basketball has turned into an into-your-face game where intimidation, not sportsmanship, rules and bullies become heroes.
Amy and I came to Floyd to get away from that. To some extent, we found the values who mention but that facade of civility may be a thin veneer that could crack if we're not careful.
By all means, submit it. The topic demands discussion.
Posted by: Doug Thompson | July 22, 2006 10:14 AM
There are some good points here:
Don't lure people to Floyd or it won't be the same. My guess is regional employment is what will really impact Floyd's population.
The Internet must take time away from personal, face-to-face time with those in and out of your house.
People are so busy taking care of themselves and their families and because it is getting difficult to do so that we have little time for socialization outside of work.
After remarking that people in the country are so much friendlier than those in the city, one friend remarked, "That's because they are so isolated that they are just lonely and wish to speak to whoever comes along". That was funny, but I had never thought of it in terms of supply and demand. Maybe it's true.
Posted by: Jim | July 22, 2006 12:34 PM
For me, the internet has been a blessing, while Ann sees it as a curse. It has divided us to some degree, with all the hours she spends looking at the back of my head while I am doing any number of things which require the keyboard and monitor.
I think in Floyd, the web has helped create a certain connectedness between our community and the greater world, as well as bring us individually as bloggers into each others lives in a way that would not have happened, likely, without our web presence.
There is no one cause, as there will not be a single solution. But we do need to work our way out of our spiral of self-absorption in this country and wean from our quest for pernicious autonomy.
In times ahead we may wish we had worked together more conscientiously for the common good.
Posted by: fred1st | July 22, 2006 1:03 PM
I'm looking foward to seeing you at the Radford Library on tuesday.
"Don't lure people to Floyd county or it won't be the same."...perhaps true, but that is a very "isolating" comment in itself.
I fell in love with a Floyd country farmhouse from an internet search from my Portland Oregon apartment. Amazingly enough, my husband is now teaching at Virginia Tech. Although we didn't buy that house, we love Floyd and can imagine living there some day.
Sally
Posted by: Sally | July 22, 2006 1:35 PM
I agree that the internet brings people together, if only in cyberspace. Something is better than nothing. I don't think we are immune to the ills of isolation as it occurs in cities. No doubt there are lonely or suicidal people in Floyd. Perhaps we stand a better than average chance of community building because while we are physically isolated, we often see people we know in the course of chores that take us to town. And having been physically isolated we sometimes take those opportunities to relate.
I think it's an important topic. I don't think you sound preachy. Please publish.
Posted by: chris youngblood | July 22, 2006 1:55 PM
It was surprising the amount of camaraderie in St Louis on Wednesday when the power went out. Neighbours chatting, people meeting neighbours for the first time... It's been rotten having no power Weds-Sat, and some still aren't back, but it was good to get out and meet the community. Most of the time people stay in their little boxes and you have no chance to even say hello.
Posted by: Ali | July 22, 2006 3:46 PM
Heh...I'm right now reading *Bowling Alone* and am meaning to blog about it one of these days.
One glaring "cause" of social disengagement that Putnam cites is TV: why go out when you can stay home & watch the Idiot Box? I say this because I remember remarking when I visited you last summer that your TV didn't occupy the usual altar-like space at the *center* of the family room/house.
Posted by: Lorianne | July 24, 2006 12:09 PM
Sally,
Nothing personal but my point is that Floyd is unique mainly because of its lack of people and industry. Change that and you've lost the appeal. Other appeals of Floyd are its geography and old South culture that hasn't changed much through history. If you're looking for a global melting pot, try a city.
Posted by: Jim | July 25, 2006 10:00 AM
Better late than never... I agree, a good piece, glad you sent it in for publishing. We must have read the same article -
http://patchworkreflections.blogspot.com/2006/06/thoughts-from-hermit-crab.html
Posted by: Susan | July 27, 2006 6:19 AM