Fragments From Floyd

We were pleased, at Tsuga's last visit to the vet, to learn he has trimmed down from an indulgent near-ninety a year ago to a mere 78 pounds. We keep an eye on his 'adominal tuck' and the indention of his waist--two contours that bulge as a dog approaches obesity. I found this handy chart at left that gives you an idea of the ideal conformation of a puppy physique. And as things will do unbidden, this illustration came to mind as I walked across the college campus yesterday among the flowering of coeds in the summer dress of our times.

Cleavage and belly buttons; low-riding capris, high-riding low-cut tops and push-up bras, and the ubiquitous cell phone--the campus dress du jour. I suppose the point is to unwrap the package just enough to evoke masculine interest while leaving at least a little to the imagination. And in some few cases, for some rare builds, the impact is quite effective. But the style seems rather universal, physiognomy be damned, and it really shouldn't be the style at all for most who wear it. There needs to be a set of guidelines on how little one should cover.

So I imagine a visual guide for coed dress, like the one for doggy physique.

Below the ideal form in the ONE to THREE categories, in the rare undernourished classification, the description might read thusly: Bony hip bones project several inches above top of slacks at pubic line. Knobby sternum evident in plunging V-cut of blouse; ribs prominent, clevage uncloven. Lumbar vertebrae and shoulder blades apparent from posterior view.

Far more commonly, the deviation from the rare IDEAL LEVEL FIVE is toward the SEVEN to NINE body forms: Bony prominences lacking. Handles d'amour lap over constricting waistband of low-riding slacks. Umbilicus obscured but location suggested within horizontal folds. V-cut reveals what appears to be two bald heads side by side on a bumpy road.

Like Seinfeld noted, there's good naked and bad naked. In this case, less really can be less. It is a style created for supermodels, adopted by all. Don't look, Ethel.