Neither a Borrower Nor a Lender Be
Today I pulled a scrap of paper from the pocket of a pair of pants I hadn't worn since mid-December. My heart sank. The registrar's information printout reminded me that I had been a poor judge of character and probably deserved to never see my loaned books again.
I was honestly quite impressed with the student--older, more mature, obviously sincere and highly motivated to become a lawyer, he said. In a semester almost entirely devoid of a sense of having made any difference at all in the minds and hearts of my students, my hour conversation with T. sent me home feeling that I had helped steer this nice young man toward a better future. I had challenged him, encouraged him, particularly along the lines of his proposed ecology research topic. I so wanted him to get to the meat of the issues that in full confidence, I loaned him four out-of-print books from my personal library. I have honed a keen sense over the years of who to trust, and I could trust this chap. I was sure of that.
Then, I noticed he rarely came to class during the three weeks before the research papers were due. He missed the third test. He didn't hand in his paper. And by the end of the term, in spite of three emails that grew increasingly impatient and threatening, he never came by the office, never called and didn't return my emails. He got an F in the course. And so after exams, I got his home town information from the registrar and stuck that in my pocket. About that time, I got an apologetic email from him promising he would bring the books by my house, mail them to me, whatever I wanted.
I resisted responding with the bitterness of one betrayed and simply told him please just bring them by my office at the very beginning of Spring term (which was two weeks ago now.) I've heard nothing. It seems he has not enrolled for classes this semester.
I just called his hometown address and spoke with his father who did not seem concerned his son had not honored a promise. I have the former enrollee's cell phone number. I want my books back. But mostly, I want my confidence back and my trust. I would have sworn this person held to a higher standard than this episode suggests. I'd like to tell him how disappointed I am, how much hope I once held for his promising future. But I suppose I'll just ask to get back what I gave him. Apparently, that was never as much as I had thought.
Comments
I can see your disappointment, but honestly, if he quit coming to class and got an F in a course he'd paid for himself, having obviously been pretty interested at first, he's probably got a lot more going on than just a couple of books to return. Cut him some slack! Slamming his character on the internet before you get the whole story just doesn't seem an even exchange for being late returning a couple of books... Anyway, while I'm thinking about it, Dad, I borrowed a couple of books.
xoxo,
Posted by: nate | January 29, 2005 2:53 PM
Books... are never lent, they are given away. I remember reading once to never lend a book, but to instead be prepared to give it away. (In fact my father taught me as much with regards to lending money to friends & family - that one I've stuck too! We gave my sister in law $500 to fix her care, and while she swore it was a loan, we never saw the funds again...). Even to some of my closest friends I have lent books and without exception, WITHOUT EXCEPTION!, I have never seen those books again. Oh sure I ask (sure, next time we see you), I come to the house and mention (can't seem to find it), I remind (oh right, so sorry, next time...), until I remind myself never again, and remember to forgive them as they know not what they do... I held off for six years making this mistake again, and then lent two very important books to a former boss who shares the same passion about economics & investing as I do... goodbye books! I do have a dinner planned for him & family, and books will be a major feature, maybe the main entre, on the dinner menu. Maybe, just maybe, when he sits there with no dinner until he produces the books, maybe then will I have the book lender's curse removed. Since these experiences, I have never begrudged the public library for its nastiness on late fines.
Posted by: Carl | January 29, 2005 3:50 PM
It's galling to be without one's favorite books and I feel for you, Fred. I'm hoping that by writing about the incident, you can relinquish all stewing rights. You don't need the aggravation, do you? And Nate has a point. Good for Nate and his upbringing.
Although most things that I've loaned out over the years have been returned--promptly or not--I've loaned money, books, video tapes, flatware, clothes, costume jewelry, and goodness knows what else to friends without return. Since I've never missed a meal due to their tardiness in getting things back to me (well, I'm not dead yet, so the $1200 from 1982 may still come back to me--LOL), I pretty much let it go after one or two reminders. Those friends were/are good people and I have to believe that they passed/are passing the favor on to others.
Posted by: Cop Car | January 30, 2005 6:18 AM