Fragments From Floyd

First of all, let me say that Nate and I thoroughly enjoyed the Great High Mountain Tour--consisting of most or all of the musicians whose music has been featured in Oh Brother Where Art Thou and Cold Mountain. The mix-and-match way the various folks sang and played in different combinations made it more like having twenty groups performing than the official seven or eight. The fact that it was more roots-based traditional music was very much to my taste. We had great seats, and getting in and out of the coliseum parking was a relative snap. However, I did not come home with experience using my D70 in low-light situations. You see, my camera was illegal.

We got our tickets ready at Gate Two, flashing them to the lady gatekeeper. "May I see your camera" she commanded rather than questioned. "I have to check it" she said, holding something up against it. Some kind of weapons detection I wondered, confused by its apparent simplicity. Looked like nothing more than a laminated card. One of those new security-tech marvels, I supposed.

"Does this lens extend?" she asked. "Yes, a little" I said, cranking the 18 to 70 mm lens out to its weak telephoto limits. She held the card up against the lens, because as I learned later, it was merely a crude way to measure focal length. Lens longer than the card: illegal. "You can't take this camera inside".

"You're kidding" I said, although it was plain from the lady's expression she was not. I still thought maybe they were afraid it had a gun or explosives hidden inside.

"Promoter's rule. Lenses longer than this (she pointed to her card) can't go in."

Let's just say she could tell I was not a happy camper. What a stupid rule. I acted out just a little. But what I didn't do was unleash my scathing sarcasm on the poor woman.

"Yes mam, I'll take my camera back to the car. And when I come back, if you'd like me to, I'll help you remove all the people in the rows two ahead of me and all the way to the stage."

She would be bewildered and I would explain: "My lens is barely telephoto, length notwithstanding. I'm on row 13. The people with cameras and standard lenses in rows 10 and lower will be able to take the same pictures you don't want me to take with my wimpy telephote. So of course, we'll have to get them out of there or confiscate all their cameras. Promoters rules and such, you know."

But I didn't say what I thought of saying. Even though my reasoning and logic were impeccable. Even though I wanted to rail against the machine. Even though I hate losing when my opponent is some assinine bureaucracy. And so it goes. I'd rather photograph weeds than celebrities anyway.