If You Can’t Beat’em: Eat’em!

by fred on February 9, 2010

Grass carp
Grass Carp Image via Wikipedia

“Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day” suggested Mark Twain.

I don’t know anybody who has tested that premise, but it rings true to me. Maybe the closest we can come to finding out for sure would be to ask someone sitting at a Chinese dinner table.

Cane toads were the answer 75 years ago to control insect pests for Australia’s sugar cane growers. The non-native toads were imported in large numbers (they now number 1.5 billion!), and lacking natural predators, in the sadly well-known pattern of solutions becoming residual problems, they’ve experienced a population explosion and become a national pest, advancing more than 1200 miles across the parched continent.

Which is wonderful news to four populations of humans: those who collect cane toads from the bush for a bounty; those who turn them into a goo for use as a soil fertilizer; those who export thousands of drums of pickled cane toads to Asia; and to the family sitting at that table with their napkins tucked into their shirts, chopsticks poised over a steaming platter of toad meat. (Remove poison glands first and don’t let your dog eat them!)

The poison is such that, with repeated non-lethal contact, old Rover can not only become immune to the toxin but addicted to it. There are accounts of dogs obsessive seeking out toads to lick, perhaps early in the morning, and of course, nothing worse will happen to them the rest of the day. Watch Cane Toads: an Un-natural History to become fully educated and creeped out.

Or if eating a ranid for breakfast doesn’t have you licking your lips, think about another invasive for lunch: silverfin. Sounds delicious, even though it is just one the few species of Asian carp given a new, more gastronomically pleasing handle. Before you run for your fishing pole, take a look at this video: they can weigh up to 40 pounds and jump up to 10 feet. Many in boats have been injured. Carp-e diem, caveat emptor.

These are the same bottom feeders you may have heard lately are threatening the Great Lakes–this critter another “good idea” brought here in the late 1800s by our government as a food fish about the same time as they were singing the praises of kudzu. I used to catch big grass carp (one of the Asian species) on a hand line at summer camp (with bread dough mixed with jello. I’m not kidding.) Nobody wanted them but the cooks. The common wisdom regarding the best way to use them for the table:

Take a large carp. Encase it in fresh cow dung. Bake in oven at low heat for 30 minutes. Remove from oven. Carefully extract fish from cow dung. Throw away the fish. Eat the cow dung.

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Dog-geek February 9, 2010 at 8:38 am

Whew – I was worried that this post was going to be able Dionne or Rhoda!

Gin February 9, 2010 at 10:05 pm

Have you ever eaten canned carp? If you haven’t, you’ve missed something far better than salmon.

fred February 10, 2010 at 4:44 am

I don’t know that I’ve ever seen canned carp. Do they call it that or give it a more highbrow name? Isn’t the Jewish dish gefilte fish made with carp? I know they are bottom feeders and somehow, that, and their ugly face (compared to a manly bass!) would tend to turn the modern diner off. They were thought quite worthy of the table at one time.

Gin February 11, 2010 at 6:50 am

You can’t buy canned carp. You have to do it yourself. Scale and gut the fish, wash thoroughly, then cut into chunks bone and all. I used to skin them, but that isn’t necessary, just neater. Soak an hour in a brine made of 1/2 pound of salt and 1 gallon of water. Drain, then pack solidly into pint jars leaving 1/2 inch of headroom. Add 1 Tablespoon of cooking oil and seal tightly. Process at 10 pounds of pressure for 100 minutes. I used to fish Barren River above Bowling Green for catfish and would often come home with more carp than cats. Suited me fine. The cats got fried, the carp got canned. If you ever do get the chance to try some, do. You won’t be disappointed.

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