October 09, 2003

Close Encounters: Company is Coming!

Dear Lord preserve me. We are having folks to dinner tonight.

"BlahblahblahblahDUSTMOP BlahblahblahblahPLACEMATSblahblah..." shouts the General in charge of Counter-Invasion Forces; er, force...just me. An Army of One.

I honestly try to follow her endless list of orders and heed the warnings of what will take place if I go AWOL. I make sincere effort to feign interest by continuous affirmative head-bobbing...sort of a military wobble-head doll...eager to please but more eager just to get on with my day! Good Lord, it's two adults coming for a meal, not the approach of the DeathStar Battallion!

IF JUST ONCE, the Dire Consequences foretold by the General in her anticipation of engagement with these Others would actually happen, I would become a believer. I might even re-enlist. If just one time:

  • The invaders refused to eat from the plates because there are water spots on the underside.
  • The Landing Forces actually did examine my sock drawer and the top shelf of my closet and demanded to see our storage room AND cellar, particularly looking behind things in the corners with their X-ray vision.
  • The Exotic Ones became ill, dissolving into green goo before our eyes because the salad forks were INCORRECTLY PLACED on the left side! No, make that the right side! WhatEVER!
  • The Horde became enraged and violent (or lapses into a comatose state) because the Army of One made the incorrect choice in dinner music. Or it was too loud. Not loud enough
  • If just one time The General-in-Charge was actually the object of disdain and loathing by the Visitors, this resulting from a list of slight infractions and errors because of the negligence, dalliance and incompetence of the Troop, and that she was indeed thereafter condemned as a Really Bad Person, and excommunicated from the Legion of Friends forever.

Ours is not to reason why. The General returns from work at OH-FourHundred Hours, the Klingons ETA at six.

Remember, Troop: Pretend to be a good soldier, but don't dustmop until you see the whites of their eyes!

This is a revisitation of a post from last summer because, well, company is coming to dinner. Wish me luck. Guys.

Posted by fred1st at October 9, 2003 05:52 AM | TrackBack

mmmm....I hope you didn't go through all this when Jessica and I came. Wait the house was spotless and a fresh pie had been baked. Well, your the man of the house now Fred, good luck.

Posted by: Seth at October 9, 2003 09:46 AM

Hmmm. yes, I do remember the shining floors, the impecable countertops. And I said, Now these are people I can be friends with. Just look at how CLEAN everything is!

Posted by: trish at October 9, 2003 10:01 AM

What are you doing there, soldier? Just sitting around reading? Back to work!

Posted by: Kurt at October 9, 2003 01:19 PM

What till The General find out you've been slacking off with your blog in your hand... ;-)

Posted by: Greeblie at October 9, 2003 04:11 PM

hint, now that you have made some visible progress, take a break and go get yourself some chocolate cake.

Posted by: rammer at October 9, 2003 07:21 PM

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