September 14, 2003

Idiot Dreams

Sometimes I guess its okay to have insomnia so that I will appreciate those more typical nights when I actually sleep most of the time I'm in bed. Not gonna happen now, so I might as well give my fidgetty body something to entertain it. And so, hello. It's 2:00 a.m. and I have spent the past four hours locked out of the Sanctuary of Somnolence; or maybe I should say, in self-imposed exile-- my own worst enemy. Watching Blackhawk Down! on DVD off and on all day Saturday probably had much to do with my restlessness and unease. I don't generally indulge in watching movies of any kind on my computer... it just seems too decadant and lazy (not that I sit any harder to watch a computer movie than to blog). The awful true story of our failed "regime change" in Somalia hit just a wee bit too close to home in the light of the current quadmire where our young men and women face the same angry crowds who would gladly tear them apart.

It's way too warm tonight. I hadn't anticipated this because I was watching a movie all day, and did not pay my usual homage to the weather radars. Must have had a tropical airmass move over us from the east, I dunno. We went to sleep with all the windows closed because it has been so very cool of a night lately. When I finally got up, I was stuffy, claustrophobic, and I was filled with a vague sense of dread. All the bedclothes but the sheet on my side were on the floor. I was amazed how balmy the night air felt on my bare legs when I took the dog out a few minutes ago. Stepping on a cat-saliva-soaked dead mouse on the welcome mat in the dark I think was the last straw against sleep. The dog has been getting on my last nerve all night. Just when I might possibly be able to doze off, he is awake, restless too, chewing on the metal frame of the bed; pleasuring himself with gutteral slurping noises; or hiccupping, making percussive sounds like a hammer dropped on a trampoline, over and over and over.

It's hard to say on nights like this which is the chicken and which is the egg. Do the jumbled near-dreams cause sleeplessness, or are they the result of the absence of delta waves of deep sleep? The particulars of idiot dreams vary, but the theme is familiar to me, and perahaps to you as well, from nights when dreams go badly or not at all. This kind of non-dream always has to do with frustration and futility. I've just spent several hours in a mental sheltered workshop trying to create blog template changes using the menu from my digital camera. Or vice versa. I keep retracing my steps, but can't figure out where I'm going wrong. I can't quite remember the details because they come from non-sense. This is not the kind of thing that lays down memory traces. While I may benefit from remembering dreams, this static I do not want to remember. I just want to wipe the slate clean, squelch the noise, lie down and sink deliciously into the cool sheets and be enveloped by the soft oblivion of a warm ocean of sleep. With no slurping.

Okay. There are no noises of bedchewing or hiccupping coming from the other room now. The overindulgent pet-mistress has got up and soothed the savage beast, knowing that the pet-master has been wroth with him and she does stroke his tawny pelt and whisper to him in cooing tones lies and fables of his greatness and tenderness, lo even his dagger teeth she doth deem tender, demented night-wraith that she be. Sorry. I must be dozing, thought I was in King Arthur's Court (on trumped up charges) there for a minute. And I think I have finally figured out that if I set shutter speed to 120th, light meter to 'center weighted', and color balance to 'fluorescent' I can put another column on Fragments front page template! Don't know what was so hard about that! Maybe I can sleep now.

Posted by fred1st at September 14, 2003 06:33 AM | TrackBack

I think it was something going around!! Felt the same way and was up and wandering around at 4am. House was too warm, I have read too many weird books lately (Daniel Hecht's first book for example and a few too many Dean Koonz offerings) and quite possibly too much fun and frivolity with friends earlier in the evening. At any rate, it was a restless night and I am paying for it now!!

Actually, someone said the other day that MARS and full moons should be outlawed if they occur together so perhaps that is the culprit......

Posted by: Cyn at September 14, 2003 04:50 PM

My sympathies. I too have too many nights like this. I try toast with peanut butter as a first resort remedy, then mindless games of something stupid on the computer and save the big guns for really bad nights - heavy German theology usually does the trick.

Posted by: Jan at September 14, 2003 06:21 PM

I don't know, I blame it on all kinds of stuff but I think sleeplessness increases as we get, hmmm, older. One of us is often up for a while in the night. Lately we've been woken up by bats, or pseudo-bat sounds in the room. Sometimes I read exotic cookbooks, or knit, but I agree that ponderous theology is quite soporific...then sometimes I make myself some chamomile tea with a few drops of valerian in it. My sympathies, Fred!

Posted by: beth at September 14, 2003 09:30 PM

Insomnia, like mean people, sucks.

Posted by: peggy at September 15, 2003 09:13 AM

Just thought I'd drop by and say hi. Note the time...

Posted by: beth at September 16, 2003 05:01 AM

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