March 05, 2003

The Few, the Cheap, the Frozen

If spring doesn't come about a month early this year, you will read reports of two hermetic individuals found expired, 'by exposure' the obits will read. And the local authorities will scratch their heads and say "Well I swar, Cletus, whatchareckon these two ol' fools wuzza thinkin', propane tankuz full, fair to middlin stack of farwood over yonder and them freezin to death in they own home. Maybe ituz some kinda cult thing, or maybe something like that Lent whar ya give up somethin' you really like. Shame tho".

Ann is too cheap to turn on the gas heat, hearing that prices are going up by 30% and envisioning, in her catastrophist manner, that gas will suddenly become unavailable at any price. And I've declared a thermostat reduction program to conserve what little dry firewood is out there covered up under the tarp. In this house, the rule henceforth is "No fire in the woodstove until you've exhausted all the extra-clothing options and are still showing early hypothermia". Sorry. That's the rule imposed by Goose Creek Homeland Skurity.

So. There'll be a tankful of propane left for anybody that wants it, when we're gone. But don't mess with the firewood. That's my Memorial Marker, and I've asked that it be moved to where they lay me out, instead of a chunk of shiny granite that gives one the false illusion of persistence and permanence, and which would have to be inscribed with words something like...

This old fool froze solid as this stone in his own house. And he still ain't warm

Posted by fred1st at March 5, 2003 05:42 AM | TrackBack

I made a similar commitment to not buying another tank of fuel oil this year, and things are starting to look iffy. Good thing fuzzy blankets and shearling slippers have become such a hot fashion item this winter.

Posted by: ron at March 5, 2003 06:18 AM

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