March 01, 2003

Wee Fainting Spell

In these times of unparalleled angst, I am happy to be able to share with you a take-control measure from none other than the Readers Digest. From the wildly popular journal Circulation comes a new way to ward off fainting. So: the next time you turn on your radio and hear that (fill in the blank with your ultimate horror of choice) and you feel like you are going to pass out, here's what you should do.

The expert advice: Cross your legs and squeeze them together tightly. Yep. That's it. Fainting, or syncope, is a temporary loss of consciousness that occurs when there's not enough oxygen going by the blood to the brain. If this is due to a sudden drop in blood pressure (caused by the psychological shock you've just experience) the leg crossing trick helps raise the pressure, delaying or preventing the fainting spell.

Secondly, it seems to me that the leg squeeze, during this period of maximum stress, may have a second benefit: it may prevent you from... may prevent you from, well... wee-weeing on yourself. (My mother reads Fragments and she told me the other day that she was shocked that I used the vulgar word "pee" in these pages a few weeks ago... she was serious; I asked just to be sure... and so we will be wee-weeing here in the future references, however infrequent, to that particular function.) This better mom?

Let me just ask you, readers. I'm curious. Just how many of you have your mothers reading your weblog? Would it matter if tomorrow mom found all your weblog archives? What do you imagine they would have to say? Would momma be proud? Horrified? Totally weirded out? Yeah, well... what if you used the P-word? Then what!

Posted by fred1st at March 1, 2003 06:06 PM | TrackBack
Comments

I WISH my Mom could read my weblog, but as she died 5 years ago...

Count your blessings, Fred!

Posted by: Pascale Soleil at March 1, 2003 08:48 PM

jeez, My Mom reads Mine (and my son's) every day (well, when I update it.. I have been SOOOO lazy). She calls me at least once a week saying I need to write something. So thats my promise for March , I am going to write SOMETHING on my blog every day.

Posted by: dave at March 2, 2003 12:02 AM

Tut, tut. What a naughty boy you are! You had better be careful or she will be after you with the soap to wash your mouth out.

Actually, my sons know of this blog, but not its whereabouts. My mother reads email on my sister's computer but only with some help. I don't think she knows about this. And to echo Pascale's comments, my dad died five years ago this week.
Shalom.
Jan

Posted by: Jan at March 2, 2003 01:05 PM

Um, my mom most definitely does *not* read my blog, and if she *were* to read my blog she would undoubtedly be very, very p--- . . . .er, I mean weed off.

Posted by: Artichoke Heart at March 2, 2003 02:34 PM

My mother-in-law reads my blog but that's OK coz she's cool. My mother hasn't exactly got the hang of the internet yet, which is altogether a relief! My boss reads my blog sometimes, though, which is a bit awkward... :)

Posted by: Muppet at March 2, 2003 02:35 PM

The first my parents heard of my blogging was when I had to explain who the heck it was we were going to have lunch with in Floyd County on the way home from our visit with them. While we were out that day my father apparently read a bunch of my old stuff (this was months ago) and lay in ambush for my return that evening. Thankfully, I think that was probably the first and last time that either of my parents read my blog. Must've used the P word.

Posted by: sainteros at March 2, 2003 03:44 PM

My mom reads my blog - but the reason I started it was mainly to keep in touch with family more than was done with email. I've never had the opportunity to use "pee" in a post - hmm, now I'll have to find a way!

Posted by: bogie at March 4, 2003 08:00 AM

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