August 22, 2002

The Terrible Vegetable Debacle:

The Terrible Vegetable Debacle: A Summer Song

It is canning time on Goose Creek. Too much of a good thing all at once. Makes me think about a song written by my good buddy, Dennis Stamper. (Of all the wonderful, tender and beautiful songs he has written, this goofy one is perhaps one of his most requested among some circles). Those for whom English is not your native tongue, watch out for lots of 'corny' puns.

Well a week ago last Tuesday, I came home from my job.
I went out to the back porch and fed my old dog Bob.
I walked out in the back yard, out behind the garden shed
And what I saw there nearly made me drop dead.

You see, way back in the springtime (you must understand)
The thought of some sweet yellow corn sounded grand.
Green beans, New potatos, some okra and such...
I'd have sold my own mother for a 'mater sandwuch.

I think that I'll plant me a garden, I said.
I'll plant a little extra, just in case some drops dead.
I'll plant some for my neighbors and the ladies at work,
And I'll plant some for my family so they won't think I'm a jerk.

All through the summer I tended it good.
The rains fell and the sun shown (just like it should)
The bugs stayed away. Everything went just fine.
But now everything's coming in at one time.

There's green beans on the table and taters in the sink
And the melons on the back porch are starting to stink.
And this kamikaze zucchini has really got to go.
One just flew off the dryer and tried to squash my toe.

The tomatoes on the window sill are pushing out the screen.
They're calling up an army, and some are mean and green.
They're jumping on the counter and they're rolling on the floor
And they just held a briefing in my underwear drawer.

My neighbors and family won't take this stuff.
They say that they grow for themselves just enough.
When I see all these potatoes, my eyes fill to the rim.
When I see all this lettuce, my head starts to swim.

I've got corn out my ears that I really must put up,
And I'll can all those tomatoes if I ever ketchup.

Well, it's a terrible battle but I think that I might win.
I got out my vegomatic and I plugged that sucker in.
Now the radishes are blushing and I saw the onions cry,
And the cabbage all surrendered when I slaw the head guy.

"I think that I'll plant me a garden" I cried.
"Enough to feed an army". And not a danged thing died.
Now my neighbors and my family and the ladies at the plant..
They all know that I ain't got the sense God gave an ant.

Now friends won't you listen to this lesson that I teach.
All that you sew you will someday have to reap.
But there's still one thing I wonder, oh my Lord, oh my gosh!
What made me think I'd need twenty hills of squash.

Words and music
Copyright L Dennis Stamper

Posted by fred1st at August 22, 2002 07:35 AM
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