August 22, 2002

Diamonds Are a Girl's...

Diamonds Are a Girl'a Best Friends. Or They May Be Her Siblings. Or her parents.

It is now possible to attain immortality. You heard it here first. LifeGems R Us.

When your loved one (including pets, of course, provided they are large enough to contain adequate carbon; Chihuahuas need not apply) breathes their last breath, be sure that the Long Black StationWagon is destined for a Life Gem Certified Mortuary, to assure the highest quality product from their earthly remains.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen. You can have old Uncle Mort specially processed, his carbon extracted, compacted, polished and precision-cut, and wear him on your pinkie as a LifeGem. In fact, you may reap over 100 certified, high quality LifeGems from the old curmudgeon as memorials for each family member, the guys down at the lodge, and the mail man, with a few left over as party favors.

Next time a family member tells you that have a "twinkle in your eye", or that "you are just a jewel", watch out! They may be thinking you would look great in a pair of diamond earrings.

Posted by fred1st at August 22, 2002 06:23 AM
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