August 03, 2002

Eau de Batman: One


Eau de Batman: One Blogger's August Heatwave Delusion

By virtue of information gathered by my moles in the field (actually short-tailed shrews) and by keeping my ear to the ground (while lying on the walk watching butterflies yesterday), I have come upon some late-breaking BLOGGING NEWS that I feel compelled to report immediately, so that you, the faithful (3) readers of Fragments, can be among the first to know, and take precautionary measures.

In a bid to consolidate their hold over blogbandwidth, two Higher Organisms are rumoured to be conspiring together to lock up visit traffic to the point where Site Meter will cancel its services due to lack of traffic outside these two Mega-sites. I know I put my own safety, and that of my moles (shrews) at risk by revealing this, but I can do no less (actually, I can do much less...just ask my wife). Here is the scoop, prudent and discerning reader:

You will certainly recall two recent shock-waves to ripple through the weblogging community. First, we learned that weblogs have smells. This in itself sent bloggers sniffing their pets, shoes and bed linens in an attempt to anticipate the fate of having an unfavorable olfactory stamp on their weblog, thus condemning them to only those visitors that prefer the smell of wet dog, moldy towels and kool-aid, for instance.

Secondly, we have learned that Super-Heros have dating habits, and perish the thought, sex-lives. Personally, I had never heard of Elongated Man, and wish to heaven now that there was a way to expunge this Spandex-wrapped image from my mind. But that is beside the point, assuming that there really is one.

Here's the kicker, and the horrible substance of what I have learned from my moles in the field. These reports are 100% accurate, mostly. You might want to sit down for this one.

The two superpowers unnamed above (but you know who you are!) may soon be collaborating to assemble a massive opus combining there recent hegemonistic postings: THE SMELLS OF THE SUPER-HEROS.

I understand your revulsion to this shameless exploitation of almost incomprehensible scope, reprehensible in its purient toying with our most private comicbook fantasies. But you may see it... or if possible, if you have the moral character ... avert your browser from it, in the coming days. Expect to see, for example...

SUPERMAN: The Man of Steel, mild mannered reporter for the Daily Planet, wannabe paramour of Lois Lane.

SMELL OF SUPERMAN: Carbon paper, BrylCreem and rust.

There you have it. Is there no stopping these Two as they work under cover (not really, Mrs. Bigwig, figure of speech) behind the scene to lock up the blogging community exclusively to their own monopolistic webpages!! As the saying goes, 'forewarned is fourarmed', although I never did understand that one, particulary. And remember, you heard it first, here, on Fragments from Floyd... the Trailing Edge of Yesterday's News.

Posted by fred1st at August 3, 2002 07:21 AM
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